Go Away

I thought it was about time I posted some fictional stuff – because I am primarily a fiction writer (I say ‘fiction’, though it sounds really pretentious, because I’m still in the phase of trying out lots of different styles for size to see what fits best). Although, to be honest, I haven’t written anything in absolutely ages… So this, though it’s the most recent, is about a month old – and a revision of an older piece at that. I need to force myself back into the routine of creativity again (if such a thing exists)!

* * *

Another day breaks and we are alone again.

Sidestepping abhorrence, I avoid your unfaltering gaze as you concentrate on burning holes through my thoughts. I am too afraid to warrant your dismissal, yet I cannot bear to let you stay.

You hold me up to the light to see right through the threads of my existence; fluvial seams of nothingness all linking up to-

To where? Another thing I shall never know. I am not a circle, but we are together, and how romantic that may seem when buried beneath cold sarcasm. Out of the corner of my eyes I see your lips curl cruel as you picture my demise; a slow crumbling through your fingertips. I may be cannibal sweet but I can act tongue-in-cheek sour, blowing raspberries at you between two fingers and hiding behind yet another face.

We are immutable, unchanging, stuck on this playground roundabout watching the world whirl past while only you and I remain uncomfortably in focus: a pattern stamped onto the skyline that remains even when I close my eyes. Together we weave histories and trail sepia memories through the clouds leaving fading tracks across the sky. Like footprints in the snow.

One day I’ll watch you hang like the ghosts of all those people I’ve been, all those outfits I’ve tried on, but perhaps only in suspense-waiting for me to decide just who I am and what this all means; too many words for one being, one concept s p l i t. Just glass between us but it’s one step too far.

And you’ll have to wait, suspended there forever like a hangman puzzle never solved; the words ‘go away’ only half formed on my lips. You are my completion: you stop me from being whole.

Heels clicking, you’ll claw at the rope around your throat. Still trying to speak.